As you may have recognized by now, my postings come from emotional experiences that I have gone through. It is pleasant and convenient for me and for readers is when the emotion is positive, heart-warming, experiential, or exiting. 

Unfortunately, the emotion that I have been dealing with over the last few weeks has been anything but positive. However, another underlying premise in our community is that we can help one another through experience sharing, even when these experiences are negative or even tragic.

Several weeks ago, one of our members, and a close friend of mine, reached out and told me that his 18 year-old son had just committed suicide. In the case of Ian, there were no warnings. He was extremely successful in school, good-looking, loads of friends, a girl-friend that loved him and of course loving parents. Still, it appears he was deeply unhappy. I suppose you will say that it is a case of mental illness, and I suppose, almost by definition, it must be the case to be in such despair as to see no other way out and not even consider talking things through with family, friends or professionals. 

Unfortunately, even with in our small but growing community, this is not an isolated case. A nephew of another of our members also decided to take his own life as a very young adult. It is extremely concerning that this cause of death is now the second highest cause for males between 18 and 24. How is it that this is possible?

More importantly, how can we raise children who feel more connected with society and more open to sharing their concerns or issues with others who might help them?

After spending time with Ian's father last week, we saw that there are at least two approaches: 

1) provide more access to last resort help and look for opportunities to connect with those that reach this point and

2) address the systemic issue of how to raise children who feel more connected and are more comfortable at discussing the issues they face with others.

After our dinner, Ian's father passed along this Ted Talk to me. Ian's father thinks that this is at least a part of the answer. (FYI: video is actually fun and entertaining).

In the talk, Brene' Brown discusses her research which indicates that being open to being vulnerable seems to be a key difference between those who are good at coping to those who have difficulty handling life's issues. It is a bit of a long video (about 20 minutes) but if you consider the possibility, it may be 20 minutes very well spent.

Life is a beautiful gift; just a walk in the park with your partner, your friend or your dog can bring joy and beauty but only if we are open to it. Brene's theory is that if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, yes, we open ourselves to getting hurt but we also open ourselves to the beauty and the joys of life. More importantly, we become better at coping with the big issues. Exactly how we are to raise our children to be open and vulnerable (note that this does not sound like traditional parenting lingo) in a world that seems to be getting more scary and dangerous, I don't exactly know. However, I will be exploring this more with Ian's father by researching what's available an talking with professionals.

I urge you to share this post and Dr. Brown's Ted Talk on Vulnerability with your friends and you kids. I wish you all well and I wish that each of you can see the beauty in life and if not, I wish that you will be able to reach out to those that love you to help you find it.