This year, I was one of around 30 participants (aged 19-29) accepted into the Theatre Entrepreneur's Networking and Training (TENT) Program as part of the Toronto Fringe Festival. My acceptance arrived at a time when I really needed it - after a long chain of auditions that really didn't bode so well for me. This program would give me something to be proud of! I would learn and network and become a PRO! And while I simultaneously walked away from the week very proud of myself, I'm also petrified. But let's start from the beginning...

For those who don't know, the Toronto Fringe Festival is an indie theatre festival. The submissions are raffle-based, so you get a good mix of excellent and... not-so-excellent shows. Fringe is an exciting time of year that falls at the same time as Toronto Pride. This means that Honest Ed's Bathurst and Bloor intersection is teeming with rainbows, theatre professionals, and theatre-goers. This would be my first "Fringe Binge", wherein I would see as many shows as possible. The good and the bad. 

I started off on the right foot, though, with Bright Lights by Kat Sandler. It was sold out every night, but I was urged to chance rush tickets in order to finally see one of Sandler's productions and I was glad I did. It. Was. Hilarious. It's about an alien abduction support group and I was dying in the front row at the Tarragon Theatre. Even Neil Patrick Harris had gone to see it while he was in Toronto! Afterwards, I met one of the stars, Heather Marie Annis, of Morro and Jasp. So, for those of you who don't know, Morro and Jasp are a clown duo who graduated from my exact program at York (Devised Theatre and Playwriting). Our conversation gave me such a boost of confidence and inspiration. Of course, I was an idiot and thought she was Kat Sandler at first. But other than that, it went really well.

After Bright Lights, my show choices got a little iffy... but I got pearls in between: Life After, a musical about a teenage girl's life after the death of her father and For The Record, a show put up in Kopps Records (a record store) by a real-life mother and daughter. Those were two shows I loved and they received high acclaim from reviewers (ahem, Now Magazine gave the former NNNNN and the latter NNNN). For the Record left me calling my mom crying after, and I was so inspired by the mother who wrote the show. Women in this industry are often seen to have an early expiration date, lying around the time you pop out the first kid, but she challenged that notion. 

My days were otherwise spent in mentorship workshops as part of TENT, run by theatre professionals on marketing (with Sue Edworthy, which I was pumped for, and she lived up to the hype with some incredibly valuable advice), self-producing, grant-writing, creating, funding projects, branding yourself, staying positive and persisting in a field that is very competitive. 

I was really excited to meet Julie Tepperman and Aaron Willis of Convergence Theatre. They had a show up in the Fringe that quickly sold out for every run, called The Unending, located at popular Toronto restaurant Aunties and Uncles. Julie and Aaron, simply put, are GOALS. Not only have they created work that is largely unexpected by the public, but they make it in a way considered to be near impossible by most, with their spouse. They're married! What? I know. They are living proof that you can live and work together, and are also living proof that you can take the unorthodox root and still make a name for yourself in the industry.

I unfortunately didn't live in Canada until recently, but hearing of their early work really sparked my interest in environmental/site-specific theatre. When I met them, I wasn't disappointed. They placed emphasis on how theatre-makers are not often seen as businesspeople, but we are. No one cares more about our own work than we do, and the ability to self-produce is an enormous asset in the theatre world. I often cower away from handling money, but this workshop encouraged me to confront those fears.

At the same time, this week scared me. I had to miss work to attend the workshops, and so many of the workshops discussed the importance of money in this business. They also emphasized getting ahead, and my faith in myself began to waver. Perfectly, life coach and Fringe Managing Director, Lucy Eveleigh, had a discussion with us that might have sounded silly from the outside but felt incredible. We discussed what success is to us, and the topic of awards came up. I shyly mentioned how I used to want an Oscar. "I don't expect an Oscar anymore, but I'd like to someday win an award," I said, to which she responded, "And I say, why not an Oscar?"

All the while, my fellow TENTers and I were whipping together a quick show based off of a short story written by a wonderful little girl. On the last day (today), we put the show up for an audience of kids and it felt so rewarding.

On the other hand, I was really struggling with the whole "networking" aspect of it. The nights spent drinking at the Fringe Tent (which is a cornucopia of networking opportunities) weren't as enjoyable for me as they seemed for everyone else. It scared me. Do I need to like drinking more to do this? Am I good enough for this? I'm not even supposed to admit any of this. Admitting this makes me less appealing to people in the business. Everyone else seems to be more successful than me, I think I sound stupid in this conversation... Does anyone really care? Am I really making a difference?

So after visiting a psychic for the first time in a (failed) attempt at consolation, I decided to go on a detoured walk. I was internally questioning if I'm good enough at it all. But then, I passed Aunties and Uncles, that aforementioned restaurant where The Unending is set. There was already a lineup, but I decided I would offhandedly ask if there was room on the waiting list. And there was! It felt so serendipitous... Also, the girl at Front of House was so nice, I just want to say if anyone knows her (Leah), just compliment her.

We were filed into the restaurant, up to the top floor. "I Only Have Eyes For You" by the Flamingos played. In this cozy room, we were all handed a glass of (delicious) lemonade (coming from someone who doesn't like lemonade - you go Aunties and Uncles). We sat around an intimate table setting as the first tale of infidelity unfolded. Unlike most stories about affairs, this one, I found, mostly focussed on how affairs psychologically affect the parties involved, particularly the person cheated on and the person cheated with. It was so insightful, emotional and engaging. Immediately, I realized why I was here after all. Why I love theatre...  I want to be a part of that. After that scene we went to secret locations and I don't know if I can talk about it, just in case they remount the show, but all I can say is that I was mind blown. It was incredible. You know how some shows are good, some shows you are itching to get out of, and then other shows are so great you pray for a talk-back to ask them your burning questions? There wasn't a talkback. But there was cake, Nick Blais' stellar set/lighting, four stunning performances, Willis's direction that I'm going to go ahead and call iconic (big words coming from a 20-year-old, blablabla, but Now agrees with me, trust them), and awesome costumes by Michelle Tracey. 

It was the perfect end to an incredible week, reminding me that this is what I want to be doing, even though there will be times of wavering faith or discouragement.