What makes a man (or a woman)?

I attended a funeral some time ago for a great man. He wasn’t financially well off, he wasn’t a renowned author or poet, he wasn’t a successful business professional and he was definitely not a celebrity. However, it was clear from the people at the service, from the expression of thanks from those who had known him and from the tears in the crowd, that he was a great man. To me and my wife, and especially to my daughter and her team-mates, he was just Rick, the soccer coach.

It was in one way a tragic death, a massive coronary that occurred during the reception of his daughter’s wedding at the relatively young age of 56. Of course when first hearing this, it seemed like the most unfair and the worst possible time and way to conclude one’s life. However, as we listened to the Minister of the funeral service talk about the beautiful day that his daughter Kristen gave him on the last day of his life and as we looked at the wedding pictures that included Rick looking so happy and proud in his dark grey tux and bright red vest, his last day became much more of a special day that would be treasured forever by his daughter and family.

The untimely nature of Rick’s passing aside, what was so impressive at the service were the beautiful things that Rick’s friends, family and co-workers had to say about him. They talked about the way that he always smiled and always joked with people; the way he loved and spoiled his grand-daughter Madison, whose favorite was Rick’s grilled cheese sandwiches, and his dog, Kelsey, who’s passion for cookies kept her a little on the plump side. Listening to the comments, it was evident that what set Rick apart was the way that he tried to make everyone’s day just a little better than it was before he stepped in; his happy-go-lucky style was infectious and people really did feel better after chatting with him for even a short while.

I expected that because he had coached our daughter’s soccer team for at least 10 years, there would be much said about his commitment to soccer and his effort of “giving back” through those years of dedication. As we drove from our community in Maple Ontario to Keswick, more than an hours’ drive, we were amazed that he drove this twice each week for a one hour game and practice without any children on the team and with no payment for his time, expenses and dedication. What was surprising is that even though Rick’s entire soccer team was at the service, this part of his life was not mentioned. This didn’t make the service less special for us; it made it even more impressive that he had such effect on his family, friends and co-workers that they simply overlooked his soccer involvement because there was too much else to be thankful for and proud of. With some, we would have to struggle to find the value that they created in the world; with Rick, there was too much to capture in a 45 minute review of his contributions to society.

After the service, the marina where Rick worked held a reception for all those at the service to attend and where Rick’s co-workers and customers, or the crazy boaters as Rick referred to them, could come and share stories of how Rick help them and made their experiences at the marina and on the water more enjoyable.

So, what makes a man worthy of thanks, praise and gratitude from those who he meets throughout his life, however short or long he may have the good fortune to grace this earth? It’s not their financial net worth nor their fame amongst the broader society. It is much more subtle than that and measured by the smaller day-to-day actions of helping those around you and making them feel better and happier. It is in the way that people recognize the time that you have invested in them, expecting nothing in return, and the way all that have known you feel thankful for the opportunity to have done so.

In Stephen Covey’s best-selling book, the Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, he writes that with any task or goal, we must start with the end in mind. As a gross example of this at work, Covey says we should consider our own funeral service and imagine what we would like others to eulogize about us and then we should live our lives to achieve this ultimate goal. Today, my family and I have had the benefit of seeing this in action in the fitting tribute to a simple but great man, Rick Radley. We are blessed by the good fortune of having met Rick and we aspire to have even half the impact that he has had on the world. I personally will try to smile more, love more, laugh more and give more because of the lesson that Rick has taught me.

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